Sacred self

She has been with me since the day I was born. I have often hated her, blamed her, burdened her with guilt and done all sorts of things I never should have, but did. And yet, she remained. With me, within me. Yes, I am speaking of the ‘self’, that lives with us from the day that we are born to the day we die.

So often, I have treated myself in a way that I would never imagine treating another. If a little child is scared of something, will you take the child and scream and shout at it or will you lovingly hold the child, tell it ‘it’s okay’ and comfort it? We all have a scared inner child who is afraid of the unknown, afraid of the numerous rides life puts it through. I have one too. And I have hated myself, been so harsh on myself just because at times I get scared. I have got frustrated with myself. Furious even. I have internally screamed at myself and today when I think of all the harsh things I have said to myself, tears flow down my cheeks. It’s okay. To be scared. And to admit that I am scared. When one is scared, they need comforting, not yelling… and so too with ourselves.

When someone fails, what do you do? Inspire them to do better next time? Motivate them for another try? And yet when we ourselves fail, we subject ourselves to such a beating. We curse ourselves, believe we are good for nothing and think that we can never do anything right. It’s okay. To make mistakes. To fail. When it’s okay for others, why is it not so for you? Who has achieved anything great in life before first getting a taste of failure? Let’s love ourselves when we succeed, and yes, when we fail. In fact, when we fail, we need it the most.

I can give to others, only what I have. If I have mangoes, I will be able to give mangoes. If I have oranges, oranges is what I will give. If I hate myself, the very person who matters the most, hatred is what I will give out. If I resent myself, resentment is what I will exude all across. If I am insecure, insecurity if what I will pass on. But if I love myself, if I learn to accept myself irrespective of my numerous weaknesses, if I love myself unconditionally, it is this pure love that I will give to anyone who comes in contact with me.

I have so much time for my work, for my colleagues, for my family and friends, but how much time do I spend each day with my sacred self? How often do we detach ourselves from all our roles – being a mother, being a son, being a teacher and just experience ourselves as the pure selves that we actually are. There is nothing selfish in loving ourselves. Nothing self centered about it. Close your eyes right now as you finish reading this article. Tell yourself a sincere, “I Love you”. We all need love. Each one us needs acceptance. From others, but even more, from ourselves.

 Megha Bajaj

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